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264. Emotional intelligence





Your relations are so fragile and they break after few weeks? Love doesn't live here anymore? If you are unhappy in love, you will be interested to find a causer.

Some of my friends had various suggestions, what could be wrong in their private life.

" Someone put spell on me, or evil eye. I feel this."
" My ex cursed me. He said i will never be happy in love anymore."
"I think that is God's will. God hates me."
"This is because i did not give coins to Gypsy. She brought me bad luck."
"I think i always pick wrong guys, i am too good with them. Maybe i am too easy to get?"

When someone says to you that you have lack of emotional intelligence or you did not use it, that sounds offensive. Indeed, emotional intelligence is key of love relations. How we can explain that some people have good relations, and other's are in problems or they are always alone?




Psychologist Daniel Goleman talks about five components of emotional intelligence:



Self-awareness – the ability to know one's emotions, strengths, weaknesses, drives, values and goals and recognize their impact on others while using gut feelings to guide decisions.

Self-regulation – involves controlling or redirecting one's disruptive emotions and impulses and adapting to changing circumstances.

Social skillmanaging relationships to move people in the desired direction
Empathy - considering other people's feelings especially when making decisions
Motivation - being driven to achieve for the sake of achievement.




We can compare two friends, Susan and Linda, in their love adventures. They had many dates with various guys with different results. 

Susan liked to date with so called bad guys. Playboys, liars, guys with files at police, local gang members or at least someone who was once wounded in street fight, that was her choice. She was always surprised why she can't keep relation for a long time. Everyone of them left her mark . When last boyfriend pushed her at door , her nose was bleeding. So this was moment to think about, how to deal with her private life?

On other hand, Linda picked normal boyfriends. For Susan it was boring choice, but Linda ended her relation on painless way. She would simply get cold , it was no excitement in her life and nothing shake her heart. Once Linda changed her strategy and accepted to date with Gregory. He was hot temper , but her calmness had good influence on him. They agreed very well. Susan was surprised, how could he choose girl as Linda, when she was too peaceful for him. Gregory was tired of drama and Linda picked good moment to appear in his life.

It will be amused fact that some people can be successful at work , great friends and cooperators, but they are fools in love relations.

Simon is dentist, he works at private clinic and his customers are full of compliments for him. In love areas, Simon is retarded. He is too possessive, skimpy and selfish. Also, he pick always too young woman for dating. He has 45, and his women are about 20-25 years old. Simply, as he says, he like fresh meat. This young girls always leave him, because they are not ready for marriage.

Love is not so simply as it looks. Recognize right moment or create own opportunity. Also, you must be aware when to let it go. Don't stuck too long in relation without future. So when someone says "you are foolish to let this girl go", that is not insult. That is more alert, that you did not use emotional intelligence.
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