443. Can you forgive to yourself?
Guilt and responsibility are elements of forgiveness. When you decide to forgive others, you will throw out their guilt, and forward this responsibility on yourself. You will forget and look in the future, with hope that they will not repeat the same mistakes as before. Sounds simple, because you set yourself free from burden. Even better, other person will feel bad, because in this moment conscience will work automatically. You are good guy, person who hurt you is bad guy, in this simple equation.
What happens when you need to forgive to yourself? You know that you did something bad and it hunts you in your dreams. Did you hurt your parents? Did you broke heart of good woman? Did you steal and nobody never caught you? Did you manipulate with someone and now you can't fix it, because person is dead?
Henry was famous as aggressive person. He was ex policeman and he used this power to exaggerate and punish people in cruel ways. He expanded this power in private life and his women had black eye, broken teeth and fear in their hearts. He had bad connection even with his relatives, and with years all rejected them. Ian was the only who accepted him as he is, but also he threats to Ian that he will kill him, because once he drove his mistress in the car. It was simply misunderstanding, because poor woman was alone on the road, and Ian simply offered transport to her. Ten years later, Ian died from cancer. He was good man and he had big funeral. Henry was shocked when he got bad news. He visited his family but they did not want to hear for him. He offered money to his son and he hardly accepted this, because Henry was very persistent. Henry never cried so much as that day. He went to funeral and even people gave condolence to him, he was very sad. Feeling of guilt was pressuring him, as hard rock on his heart. Henry did not forgive to himself yet. He remembers his best friend Ian, and this memory did not fade. When he close eyes, face of Ian is in front of him, as warning.
Why is harder to forgive yourself than to others?
We face with our dark side. Our dark twin is devil inside of us.
We feel big amount of guilt, and this eat us inside.
We must admit our mistakes.
We must accept responsibility.
We must accept the truth, that we did not deserve some good things in our life.
We realize, that we took life for granted.
Bad act is very easy. You will just throw all good what you have. You will hurt or slap someone. You will cheat, lie or steal.
Forgiveness is hard act. If you need to forgive to yourself, this is much harder. You need to kill this bad person inside of you if you want to survive and live again.