564. Ultimatum - punishment without effect
Did you ever say to your man : "Wash the dishes or you will stay without lunch tomorrow?" Or you took remote control and turned of television during football match because he did not listened to you? In this case, men talk about vixen and cuckold. This mean, you use ultimatums to get what you wish.
It is not bad to stand by your rights. Use attitude because you can't clap your hands every time when your husband or boyfriend do something what is not appropriate. Well, some women go in another extremity and try to get what they want with force.
Kind of ultimatums which men despise the most:
" If you go out with your friends, you will not find me at home."
" I will cheat you if you will not marry me. "
" If your mother will come here at lunch, you will not see me anymore. "
" If i see you again that you talk with this woman, i will call my ex boyfriend. "
" Wash your plate or i will hide you remote control. "
"I will not make love with you if you make me angry. "
What happens in male brains when they heard ultimatums? Their ego wakes up and they will not do what you ask from them. They will do an opposite, to protect their masculinity. They think about you as thief , you are not anymore woman of their dreams. You are witch on broomstick, ready to burn all his life .
If you ask, what to do then, to protect your rights and your freedom during conflict with your husband, solutions are possible. There is diplomatic way to show your husband that he is obligated to throw garbage, to wash dishes after lunch when is his turn or to make deal about TV program. There is no woman who likes to see her man in the armchair with beer , who doesn't want to help at home and who exists there just to drink and sleep.
Your mission is to persuade him that common life is not nightmare.
Instead of ultimatums, here is magic word - deal.
I will cook, you will wash dishes.
Today i watch soap opera, tomorrow you watch football.
You go with your friends out, i will chat on internet with my friends.
You drink coffee with your colleagues, i will go to business trip with mines.
Some men are built from bad material so they will see only their rights and needs. So here is man who is unfaithful, but he would beat his woman to do the same. Here is man who never wash his plate, but he expect lunch on minute when he is hungry. In this case, show him way . You are not his servant so there is no need for much conversation. You can say that you feel bad in this situation and that you can't more. If he cares, he will think about change. If not, you know the answer.
Think about how would you feel to do something by force. Maybe you would give in, just to avoid fight. Next time, you would repeat again, by your own.
Sally lives with her boyfriend in domestic partnership. They are many years together, but he still did not propose her. Sally is waiting and she is frustrated. One day she went on business seminar in another city. Her colleague Steven kept eye on her , for a long time. He is married, but he wanted to sleep with Sally since he saw her first time. Sally was drunk that night and Steven used opportunity. They made love. Sally feels that she get revenge, because her boyfriend doesn't want to get marry with her. In fact, she is in much deeper problems now. She said to him , to give him a hint " Steven is interested for me", but her boyfriend knows that Steven is married, and he was not a threat for them, until this moment. Now, everyone is talking , she is subject of gossips.
You can get what you wish by ultimatum, but this way is full of thorns, and sooner or later you will bleed. If you try with diplomatic way and use your gentle side, this will be much better. Remember when you were in elementary school , what was your reaction on teachers who threaten you with paddle if you don't do your homework? And what was your reaction when kind teacher asked you to correct your mistakes and motivated you, because you can do it better?
This moment when you are cuddling with someone's ego is your opportunity. If you are in relation, remind your partner why he loves you. Why is so important to do something for you, as you are doing for him. Ultimatum is just a punishment without effects, or effects are here only for short terms.