608. Temporary distance



Quarrels are part of every relation. Until you are fighting and arguing, your relation is alive. Both sides want compromise, want to progress, to run for better situation. Even you are swearing, still you care about your partner because you want to prove him something. Quarrels are process of learning. On this point i don't think about physicall conflict with fist, on abusing or yelling that everyone in the street could hear your scream. I think about healthy, constructive relation where two parties debate and discuss about important problems in their relation.

Suddenly, one of them suggest silence. Temporary distance, tampon zone where nobody can cross and time is the main factor. 



So, it could involve next solutions:

I will sleep in another room.

Ok, you might leave common bed and sleep in separated room. You will not runaway, just silence is something what you need.

I will live in my flat or with my parents, for a while.

Well, define this deadline. For a while can't be too long time, things might chill out, but next step is frozen relation.

I will date with others.

Ooops, very hot zone. Are you sure? You might hurt each other, because dating with others is step out from relation.


I know some couples solve things on quiet way, that one side shut up and continue with life as it was, and that is also not good because defeated side swallow pride and dignity, but all for the sake of marriage. Temporary distance would be also similar solution, just other side of this mirror. Now, i am leaving for a while, and you do what you wish. This kind of solution is way of partner who wish to get out from relation, but to make less pain to his other half.  Do you think temporary distance could work out?

Here are two examples. In first, it was good solution. In second, it was not.

Gary and Serena were married for a year, they had little kid and problems did not disappeared. Serena went to her parents, as she said, on weekend. She stayed for a week. Her parents were arguing every day. They were nervous because Serena came with their grandson, and they had no enough money to help her with food for kid, for clothes and all unecessary things. After a week, and after Serena got some life lessons from her mother, that husband is someone she must respect, Serena came back to Gary. She saw, maybe their marriage is not perfect, but she doesn't want to live with parents again.

Daniele and Kurt were married for a ten years. She used to go on vacation to visit her parents, on the sea. It was every summer, and for them it was normal, because Kurt could not get vacation in this time, or he claimed he can't ask the boss to let him in July on vacation. After summer, Daniele found out the truth, her husband had mistress 2 years. So it was end of their marriage.

When conflict try to burn your relation, you need water, but not ice. 

Too much ice will chill you out, forever. Go away from partner, but not too long. Sometimes, strangers will see that something is not good and they will warn you to talk with your partner. Tensions are visible in publicity. I prefer to say my husband all what is bothering me. He said also all unpleasant things and after all cards are on the desk, smile is next . 

I don't believe in effects of temporary distance. As one my neighbor said : " I can let my cow to go on neighbor's meadow, but she will stay there and i will stay without cow. " Harsh, funny but symbolic. 

Nobody can push away your partner from you , as you can do it. 

It is not point is grass greener on other side. The point is , how you treat your grass, how you cherish your relation. Temporary distance might show you just this, that you do some things on wrong way. 
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