Skip to main content

A temporary distance is (not) a key for a failed relationship

Quarrels are part of every relation. Until you are fighting and arguing, your relation is alive. Both sides want to compromise, want to progress, to run for a better situation. Even you are swearing, still, you care about your partner because you want to prove him something. Quarrels are a process of learning. On this point, I don't think about physical conflict with a fist, on abusing or yelling that everyone in the street could hear your scream. I think about healthy, constructive relation where two parties debate and discuss important problems in their relation.

Suddenly, one of them suggests silence. Temporary distance, tampon zone where nobody can cross and time is the main factor. 

So, it could involve next solutions:

I will sleep in another room.

Ok, you might leave the common bed and sleep in the separated room. You will not run away, just silence is something that you need.

I will live in my flat or with my parents, for a while.

Well, define this deadline. For a while can't be too long time, things might chill out, but next step is frozen relation.

I will date with others.

Oops, very hot zone. Are you sure? You might hurt each other because dating with others are stepping out from the relation.

I know some couples solve things on the quiet way, that one side shuts up and continue with life as it was, and that is also not good because defeated side swallow pride and dignity, but all for the sake of marriage. Temporary distance would be also a similar solution, just another side of this mirror. Now, I am leaving for a while, and you do what you wish. This kind of solution is a way of a partner who wishes to get out from relation but to make less pain to his other half.  Do you think temporary distance could work out?

Here are two examples. In first, it was a good solution. In second, it was not.

Gary and Serena were married for a year, they had little kid and problems did not disappear. Serena went to her parents, as she said, on weekend. She stayed for a week. Her parents were arguing every day. They were nervous because Serena came with their grandson, and they had no enough money to help her with food for the kid, for clothes and all unnecessary things. After a week, and after Serena got some life lessons from her mother, that husband is someone she must respect, Serena came back to Gary. She saw, maybe their marriage is not perfect, but she doesn't want to live with parents again.

Daniele and Kurt were married for ten years. She used to go on vacation to visit her parents, on the sea. It was every summer, and for them, it was normal, because Kurt could not get a vacation in this time, or he claimed he can't ask the boss to let him in July on vacation. After summer, Daniele found out the truth, her husband had mistress 2 years. So it was the end of their marriage.

When conflict tries to burn your relation, you need water, but not the ice. 

Too much ice will chill you out, forever. Go away from partner, but not too long. Sometimes, strangers will see that something is not good and they will warn you to talk with your partner. Tensions are visible in publicity. I prefer to say, my husband, all that is bothering me. He said also all unpleasant things and after all, cards are on the desk, the smile is next. 

I don't believe in effects of temporary distance. As one, my neighbor said: " I can let my cow go on neighbor's meadow, but she will stay there and I will stay without a cow. " Harsh, funny but symbolic. 

Nobody can push away your partner from you, as you can do it. 

It is not pointed is grass greener on another side. The point is, how you treat your grass, how you cherish your relation. Temporary distance might show you just this, that you do some things in the wrong way. 
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Women are not weak as they look

Where is a fight, there is love. Since childhood opposite genders tease each other, make conflicts and argue, just to compare their mental strength. Men are strong gender by nature, but many of them underestimate woman’s will and character. Some judgments define a woman as fragile, sensitive creature, and the man who is educated in the traditional family will often underestimate a woman. He will see the weak creature in the corner with a face full of tears. Well, a woman can defend herself in thousand ways. She will seduce you to obey you. She will pretend weakness just to take revenge on you if you humiliate her. Be ready for her trick as on poker table. Especially men who are used to silent, obedient woman can’t count on such resistance. Remember, the woman is the one who is working and clean house after work, carry for kids and for your laundry and your meal. Women are multi-tasking, so how can they be weak? When you fall in love with a woman who can care for herself, she doesn’t …

Are you grateful for the things you have ?

Are you grateful for the things you have in your life? I don’t think about furniture or new plates, i think about your private and professional life. Sometimes, we forget to save gratitude in our heart because our mind is too busy by dreaming about something we still did not realize. Gradation looks like this: I don’t have boyfriend. I have boyfriend but we are not married. We are married but we don’t have kids. We have only one child. Our kid is not obedient, we have problematic teenager.
In professional plan, we can use same pattern: I am studying and i don’t have job. I have job but my salary is small. I have good salary but i have no free time. I have job but my boss is dictator. It is about human nature, where all are rivals, competitors and opponents. Why your neighbor owe expensive car, and you are going at work with bus? Why your kids can’t have designers clothes? Why your friend has bigger flat then you? We are dreaming because of our ambitions. It is not bad, i am also ambiti…

Are you the hunter or the kill?

Criticism is a sensitive field. It is easy to give critics, to mock someone, but it is not easy to receive this in return and to make a joke by yourself. Do you laugh at yourself, in public? Do you allow friends to tease you, even this means that they will overrate your faults and make your values smaller? There is a thin line between social clown and person who loves to make jokes about yourself. If you are a hunter, if you respect yourself, you will allow the certain dose of criticism but you will not be a doormat. If you ask me to whom you must be grateful, maybe my answer will surprise you. Yes, i am grateful to my parents because they give me motivation, strong will, and attitude. I am grateful to my sister because she stood on my side when i felt miserable. I am grateful to my husband for accepting me as i am, even when i was the worst nightmare. Mostly, i am grateful to my rivals, to develop my strength. As i passed my initiation, faced with many troubles and get out from bigg…