You heard the quote: "I love you, but I love myself more?" Even some will consider it as a message for narcissists, this is indeed the definition of mature love. How could you love someone if you don't love yourself enough? Or, to be more specific, how could you love someone who makes you underestimate and humiliate yourself?
I was a lonely and unhappy teenager. I wrongly thought that something is wrong with me because all my relations broke and my friendships were fragile and under question. So I was thinking that I had a spell on myself or at least bad fate because I was fighting against everyone. Then I reconsidered people around me and I was terrified with the conclusion: I chose by myself people who only want to use me or hurt me for own selfish interest. As a victim of bullying in childhood, I was very insecure and my choices were consequences of bad acts from past. I was thinking, I don't deserve better than relations with hooligans and friendship with narcissists. I was not aware of this since someone warned me on this and shown me better side of human relations.
What was wrong in my connections with people and how I solved this?
I chose dominant guys who wanted to rule with me.
I chose selfish friends who were interested only in their needs and wishes.
I chose people who stopped my progress and drag me into their bottom.
I believed that others are better and more successful than me so I did not even try to compete with them.
I did not solve my situation overnight. Few extreme events have shown me the way how to get out from this circle of hell. I was physically injured. I was 2 years without work. I was temporarily separated from a man I love. Thinking in silence made me stronger. After this, I had nothing to lose. My progress was step by step. I was walking on the ice and I fall in black hole few times again.
During that process, I learn next lessons:
Never throw out someone who is honest with you, even that person is not kind or sugary. Accept truth even it sounds ugly.
Erase your past. Until you live in the past, future is far away from you.
Learn how to use the opportunity. They are rare, so grab them without hesitation.
Watch your rivals and learn from them. Nothing is more inspirational than your competition.
Reward those who were with you when you were not so lovable.
Also, I wish to say that I did not write this to make people pity me or to preach lessons. I write this as the draft for those who have problems with self-respect and self-confidence.
If you can recognize yourself in this draft, this is you:
"You afraid to say aloud that you are smart and pretty. You afraid to ask more when you get less. Your ambitions are small because you think that is not polite to push yourself in front of others. You care too much what will people say. You are so sensitive to gossips that every rumor breaks your heart. You ask excuses for people who hurt you. You don't ask to apologize from those who insult you. If people cross over you, you think that is the normal way. You don't care if you give people hundred chances to be part of your life again. You are afraid of losing people so word YES in more in your dictionary than word NO. "
Love toward yourself is basic of love indeed. If you don't love yourself enough, your partner will care double burden. He will do the hard job to teach you how to love yourself first and then how to love him. Also, you must learn the difference between egoism and healthy love toward yourself. Raise your voice and don't afraid if people are surprised with your change. They were surprised when I represented my updated version, too. My insecure twin escaped and never came back again.