649. How to burn bridges and get over a jerk?



There is a quote: „Time heal all wounds.“ Well, this statement is only partly correct. The truth is life is going on and life circle is full of changes, but what miss in this proverb is bad experience from past.
In other hand, we must sow new plant on problematic ground, we must work in garden which need new seed and it rejects foreign flowers. It means we will enter in new relationship full of doubts, paranoid and in fear, under suspicion that we will repeat the same pattern from past .
Many times we came in situation to compare our present love with past, even unconsciously in head we made scenario that our new story will finish on exactly same way as past romance. Previous experience is wound and it might be obstacle to beautiful life in present. Of course, we don't talk about rape or abuse, these are extreme cases which need expert help that normal person might continues with life. We talk about normal relation and ordinary problems in love.
It is all about experiences which every woman shall pass, from youth until menopause, when she meets every kind of men. The worst attitude is to say that all men are the same, as they are made from the same material . If you had relation with cheater who cheats in every corner, next man will be under magnifier. If he is tolerant, he will forgive you if you check him constantly, but nobody has nerve system from steel, and jealousy and doubts might reject him. He will runaway when he realize that he can't look in other direction without explanations to you.

How to prevail that old wounds still open and bleed? Unfortunately, we can't manage alone. In many ways it depends of our second half. Who is our man, who much he will give to relation, and how serious are his intentions. If person wants real love and real relation and she connects with man who is constantly flirting, that will be crash with serious consequences.  Someone got out from painful relation and he could get burn in short term, because he is still not ready.  Accord math's formula, plus and plus will give plus, but plus and minus can't be plus, so local womanizer can't make serious woman happy. If she wants marriage and harmony , she must runaway from playboys. If nothing else, we learn from former relation, about elimination, who are people we don't want to involve again.
One good recipe before new relation is self respect. You must build love toward yourself, your new self esteem and self confidence. You hated yourself and your self confidence was zero because your ex was not aware that you are attractive woman so sex with him was overtime work. Well, this man gone from your life, as crow who fly away when you use gun and this is your time to prepare for better days. New person will see something beautiful in you, something which even you did not know that you have. This is beauty of new experiences, unpredictable events. These are unwrapped boxes with bunch of surprised, but you must be able to open it on time. Don't wait for someone else to open it instead of you.
Forgive yourself all mistakes, accept that you will make errors again , but now you are more ready and optimistic than before. Now you love yourself. In this moment you are ready for new relation, you don't remember a jerk who  wanted to ruin you mentally.
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