Male-female friendships were always topic for discussion. Cool quote “we are just friends” is a good excuse for celebrities when they got caught in walking with a person from opposite gender, or while they are drinking coffee and they look very close.
When jealous wife nag to her husband that he is too kind with female office roommates, he will reply “we are just friends. “
If someone catches you in conversation with ex-boyfriend, and you blush but you don’t want to tell about nature of your relation, you will say: “we are just friends. “
Well, what is this friendship indeed and where are boundaries?
Indeed is hard to be friend with a person of opposite gender who is attractive and with whom we feel pleasant, spend much time together and imagine all kind of reasons just to stay in contact. If that person is in marriage or in relation, often hanging out will cause jealousy from her partner.
Martin and Vera were inseparable childhood buddies, they came home in dirty clothes when they were playing in the sand, together they got drunk first time and abandoned classroom. They have the whole history. After college Vera got married to Dorian who could not handle Martin. He did not understand why she should go every week at coffee with an old buddy, why she calls him every time when she has problems and top of all was when she lends money from him, and she did not even ask her mother in law for a favor. Then Dorian called Martin, it was a harsh conversation and this friendship chilled out.
Friendship could be an excellent substitute for a person who has bad luck in love or after a breakup, so that is good to hang out with a friend from opposite gender just to have the shoulder for crying and to get objective advice. Well, what if that friendship is indeed hidden love, and if this is only introed in love when relation breaks?
Friendships between genders are a weird thing. If people are not hot to each other it could be a perfect relation, we have an objective friend and not busybody, and our real partner can chill out because we have someone for talk, not to annoy him 24 hours, and yet he has no reason for jealousy cause there is no intimacy.
Well, what if someone uses friendship as an excuse to spread seductive spider net and wait for a moment that object of desire falls in love? Are we friends or more? If we start a relation with a friend and discover later it was not a good solution, do we lose a friend? Now we have only acquaintance because we did not use control and balance.
That is why this kind of relations are fragile, especially if we have a partner already. We need to think how our partner will react with this kind of friendship or we must draw a line to make this friendship more formal and without feelings. It all depends how much flexibility is our partner.
If we are single, think about before you turn friendship into relation just because we missed human touch. After sex with a friend, there is no return. If we spend the night with friend and someone of us is not ready for more, we lose. We lose the friend and potential partner.
When male-female friendship could work out?
If you are both in relationships. You are happy private with others and your friendship is the field of common interests.
If you don’t attract each other physically. So, he is dear but not your type.
If you were not in relation before. Ex-lovers are bad friends because an accidental spark could make a flame.
If you don’t feel jealousy cause your friend found a girlfriend. Or an opposite. If you feel tensions that is the sign that he is more than the friend.