675. Unforgiven

Forgiveness is not act of empathy. That is kind of self help. If you love someone, and person harms you, and you want to continue to live with person you love, but you can’t forgive old sins, it will ruin you inside.
Person who can’t forgive add poison to own life. If you can’t forget bitter memories, they became your followers.
A  long time ago i could not forgive to man who hurt me. He hurt me physically , but my lips healed and all what left’s was humiliation. That was the hardest to forget, the way i felt humiliated. Later, when time passed, i started to look at this on different way.
I was thinking like this : “My memories on him feed his ego. My bitterness is my obstacle. I can go forward and find another man if i will think that all are the same. I must forgive him because of myself, not because of him.”
There is kind of selfishness in forgiveness, in a way, if we forgive someone, it means person is not relevant to bother us more. Why to continue endless fights when we can finish that once for all?

Now, we make difference between two various situations.
Forgive someone and never talk with him again.
Forgive someone and give new chance. It means we stay in contact.
If we decided to stay with person who made us hurt, angry, sad with some actions or words, we must go from the start. It means, we can’t go back in the past, on the same time and same conversation. It will cause bigger damage than it was before.
Remember nobody is creature without sins and mistakes. If you never forgive, you are bitter person. What if you wanted that someone forgive to you, but you never give another chance?
I remember my granny’s sister. She never forgave her because she did not want to travel with her in Italy. Later, my granny got cancer and died, but her sister did not come even to funeral. I was thinking about her, how she could spent life with such thorn in her heart.
That is why i forgive , to clean myself. If i forgive, it doesn’t mean that everyone can use this against me. I will forgive, but i am not a fool. I will say it was enough and smile and stop wasting my time.
The guy from the beginning of this story called me by my name, once when we accidentally met in another city. I pretend that i did not see him. He called me few times. I smiled and continued to walking. I forgave him, but he did not get new ticket to enter in my life again.

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