692. Boundaries between love and pride
Can you draw a line between your feelings and pride? When is your proud act indeed manifestation of ego, and when is this vanity or stubbornness? When you did right thing, by standing behind your attitude?
Think about your relation. You love your partner, but how you act in the case of conflict? Are you the one who always say “i am sorry” ? Or, you wait for him to apologize ?
When conflict ruin your day, first what you think is how to establish harmony again. Will you swallow shits, for the sake of peace? Or, you will continue to hit with your sword?
My opinion is that for love takes both sides. If we are together in peace and harmony, we will be together in arguments, too. If your partner is master of sweet words, but not even servant in conflicts, if he only says “all is your fault”, you can’t progress.
I am proud person. It is very hard to humiliate myself, to say i am sorry when is obviously that i am not guilty. In the case of love, if i see that my partner is angry or sad, i am ready to negotiate. I believe in negotiations, but i will not stand up with white flag, just to make my partner pleased. He knows that and that is what he learnt, to say sorry even he did not want to say this. He knows, next time i will admit my mistakes, and that is how it works.
What happens if you are the only one who want to solve conflict?
Partner will easy lose respect. Ideal situation, you are guilty for all.
Partner will make bigger mistakes. Every conflict might lead into something bigger.
Partner will leave one day , because there is no chemistry in fake peace.
Can you remember the situation when you swallowed your pride, even you did not want to? I can understand this situation very well. You sacrifice part of your entity, for the sake of your partner. You will say that his mother had right, even she did not, just to please to him. You will laugh at his friend’s jokes about you, even it was not funny, just to avoid your partner’s anger.
This situations are very difficult. Use your memory. If you can’t remember when he said “you had right”, when he swallowed his dignity, then you have problem. Love is field of war strategy. You can’t surrender just like that, you need compensation.
So, it is ok, i will not complain because you came drunk after party with your friends, but you will not complain next time when i invite my parents and relatives to visit us. Yes, you will handle my aunt who is talking too much , but i will also buy gift for your mother, even i don’t like her.
If you only give advantage to your pride, in every opportunity, you will walk alone. It is general apology of many picky women. “No, i could not handle that he chews in my presence. I can’t stand his way of clothing. I can’t stand his friends. “
In relations, pride will get another shape. Also, you will set your boundaries. I can stand loud music after i come home after work, but i will not tolerate dirty plates on table , because i don’t have whole night to wash dishes.
Balance between love and pride in relation is as roller coaster. We can accuse each other, who did less, and who did more for our happiness. We can slip into abyss of misunderstanding.
There is one good news, if you stand up behind your attitude, if you can say it with doze of humor, you will give good impression. You are charming, hilarious person, and who would resist you? You will not abuse partner’s trust, but also you will not obey to him. This is healthy balance.