You wish to attract a certain person. Your vision is about someone who will support you, offer a shoulder for crying, and be someone you can lean on. Instead of this, you got a passive person who will not move a little finger for you. Or you got an egoist who just thinks of himself and his needs.
It is wrong to blame a person who is in your life now. You could blame your choice, or research your character. What is inside of you that attracts someone like this?
What kind of impression do you leave?
If you are a fragile woman, kind and obedient, you will attract a tough guy who will stand by your side and protect you.
If you are a strong, independent woman, you will attract a soft man, phlegmatic or unstable who will give you the freedom to do what you wish, but you can't count on him to stand by you because you can do it better by yourself.
The trouble is, what if you are independent and strong, and you wish for an equal partner?
Do you need to pretend that you are something else?
Do you need to hide your real personality?
The point is in compromise. If you have an urgency to always win and to compete, you will scare potential partners. Some men can treat you roughly because they think you are a threat.
If you change your strategy, it doesn't mean that you must sacrifice your real character. You can win, but differently.
Example.
Gavin and Sheila could not stand each other for a year. They were both aggressive, both competitive, and their egos were big. Sheila liked him, but he would always press the wrong button. He would provoke her or make some nasty jokes. Sheila was calm and did not respond to his cynicism. When she smiled at his provoking jokes, he stayed surprised. He said that she will be the oldest party girl because of her lifestyle. And she responded. No, I will be rich when I get old. After this, he saw she can control her reactions without yelling.
He treated her with respect and asked her opinion about policy, music, and sport, and Sheila was happy because she hit the right button.
If you think you attract the opposite of what you want, think about what signals you send around. If you are sad, you will gather sad people around you who talk about their depression. If you are furious, you will gather aggressive people who ask for a fight. If you act like a clown nobody will take you seriously. If you flirt around constantly, your final aim will be the one-night stand.
You must figure out what you really want and send a message with your acts and words.
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